I Love My Friends, I Hate Bello

Often, when a group e-mail is sent out among certain of my friends, what begins as an innocuous proposal for dinner or drinks evolves into a whole other scenario, in which absurd, unrelated topics are brought up and completely take over the original message.

Recently, an invitation to a brunch transformed into a hate-fest on Bello, that horrible, stupid clown whose ridiculous image has been plastered all over New York since the early spring to herald the opening of Ringling Brothers circus. For years, I have loathed this clown. The ubiquitous ads are inescapable, hogging billboard spaces in the subway and on street corners, all featuring his hateful grinning face twisted into some irritating expression. It's the sort of ad that inspires crude anatomical additions in Sharpie by amateur subway graffiti artists. I say bring it on. Bello is an assault on my eyes and sensiblilities. I hate him like I hate the Hare Krishnas or Gary Null, a knee-jerk, reactionary, wholesale condemnation that's more primal than well-developed, but just as valid. Fortunately, I have friends that understand and agree.

Nadxi:
LADIES BRUNCH!! April 15, 1ish till whenever, my place. Bloody Marys, bagels, fishes, other stuffs, hoo-hoo.
xoxoxnx

Gretchen:
What should I bring?

Nadxi:
Ok, ladies, I’m getting some bagels and lox and making a quick veggie quiche. Can someone bring vodka and V8 or tomato juice (no Clamato, Michelle) cuz I’m brizoke.

Betsy:
Brandon’s mom will be in town and is also staying with us but I will definitely try to come by for a little while—before we head off to the Blue Man Group that is.

Me:
What? No Bellobration?!

Michelle:
I hate this guy.

I’m broke too. I can bring both juices: V8 and Orange. I think Gretchen’s the one that likes Clamato. Or is it just bearded clams she like? I don’t know, I get confused. (I know, ewh!)

Marisol:
I don’t know what about this string of e-mails prompted it, but gmail placed this ad in the sidebar:
NY Eyelid Surgery- Dr. Kwan
Preserving Asian Identity Through Cosmetic Surgery. 2 NYC Locations!

Anyway, I’ll bring both tomato juice AND V8, because people like options. I would bring vodka, but I’m no good at liquor stores. I just never know what I’m doing.

Me:
I hate that fuckin clown so much. Asshole.
The reason the eyelid surgery ad showed up is because the Blue Man Group is so boring you have to get medical help to keep your eyes open so you don’t fall asleep at the show.

Michelle:
You know someone stole that goddamn clown’s miniature bike last week? What a dick.

Me:
I know! And the jackass held a press conference to beg for it back. I hope they returned it, after installing tacks in the seat.

Kirsten:
I think that clown is the secret love child of Ronald McDonald and the “Snap into a Slim Jim!” guy.
Behold!



Me:
Don’t forget John Sex.


Gretchen:
How could I forget! Larry used to play his LP all the time.


Post script: Brunch was really fun.